The loud screeching from Ronga’s nganyas lacerated the peaceful neighborhood. I could hear the rubber morphing into debris. My room was silent. Uncomfortable silence. I moved stealthily on my bed to avoid alarming the good people. My laptop panted heavily as the ‘Jack Ryan’ CD turned.

My bed was slightly sunken in the middle probably I hadn’t flipped it for a while or I’m tipping on the other side of the scale. An empty paper of Krackles stared at me reminiscing the taste of my lips and the wetness of my tongue or is it the other way around? I could barely feel my right bum cheek and my left leg had gone numb due to favoritism of the right crossing over it. I could see the silence waver at me like a candle in the wind somewhat patronizing my good morals that kept me indoors.

On the stroke of 11pm….

I am running low on good behavior; this must be the third weekend which I am busy ignoring beckons of the ‘higher’ life. ‘Hata nikishikwa Mungu ndio aliniambia’ type of scenario. I don’t know what makes me uneasy, was it the silence that my room carried or the whole zeal of not walking in BLA heels and a tight fitting dress.

The urgency of going scene to scene in a bid to litmus the air of indifference, the laughs and jokes my friends and I shared or perhaps the glass of wine that followed in the morning accompanied by a full chicken and three packets of fries from Memphis. Walafi (chuckles) I probably just miss my people.

Ring. Ring .Ring goes Khelani….

Hey mamie!” a wretched voice goes. Probably sent by the devil himself to taunt me

Baaaaby giiirl” I answer in our normal greetings connotations.

Kwani uko?” she inquired immediately as if she heard the silence too.

I almost let it slip that I am in Eldoret and avoid the obvious line of questioning. I thought of feigning sickness but given her level of craze, she would probably pass by at 4am. So questions…

Aki mamie niko kwa hao

What are you even saying? Bado unadress yaani?” she went on dismissing my hibernation.

Eeeh ndio navaa bae” I whispered the PJs part so I could shift the blame on her if she was to call back to know the progress. But God was she attentive!

Ati PJs? Ajeeeeeee? Wait so hucome we go to Kiza for a few light ones?” She name dropped.

The only thing I’m drinking is Chamomile tea and some ‘dawa’ Karimi made. I loved the Chamomile; the ‘dawa’ resonated to Esther Wahome’s song. Damn I came out a new woman after chugging that concoction; no, it is not the same as the one you drink at java. All I know is garlic and i are no longer compatible; wron-gai

Mamie Kiza haibore lakini” I replied in low tones to avoid the bashing that was to begin.

Weweeeeee uko sawa? Yaani uko sawa kabisa? Najua si man problems ukonazo so mbona hukuji out?” she dragged on the conversation.

“Bae kwanza ulicheki zile heels?” kali zaidi, right? I already reserved for you no need to ask” I averted

Aaahhh mamie you are the best aki thanks man,hadi Cindy said she wants the clear red ones , ziko bado?” And that’s how you bait. I thought to myself.

Eeeeh ziko ziko bae, alikuwa number 6 right?” I implored a little too sure
“On point mamie” she responded with a high note of elation

Bae lemme go to the ladies then I call you back, sahii tu” I said in a ‘pressing’ tone.

I knew, she knew I wasn’t going to call, but a girl got to fake pee sometimes. We do it when we are on a bad date, when our date shows up looking 50 years late, when the date is a knock off version of Larry Madowo, when you get a call from those relaz so you short call……

Before I put the phone on airplane mode, another caller came in….. I never get called this much when my account looks like my hair. I whispered

The silence passed momentarily like acid reflux.


It is my close friend Rib, he is a male Beyonce and a little bit of Rihanna. He is loud, free and obnoxious also one of the realest people I’ve ever met. You know the one guy you can tell anything and everything without filter? That’s Rib. When I’m with him all he gets is wild ‘thots’. He is that friend who would take pictures of you looking crazy after making you look crazy then laugh at you for being so crazy. He is so much fun, its intoxicating.

I knew this phone call was about to be long, hard and treacherous but I still picked up…

Before I could let out a Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiib, two beeps then a black screen followed. I don’t know who hurt Tecno when it was a kid but these phones really need an intervention. We should probably send them to see iPhone Xs

I’m forced to go back to watch The Trend, I always liked Amina’s pieces; her wardrobe had interesting picks. Tonight she is rocking a black fitting bandage dress with nice detailing around the neck, leaving one arm completely bare. Her earrings however were the ‘T’ in TTTT.

I lost focus once I saw the dance crew named ‘Headboys’ with a girl; why are all lesbians fine? Like she was niggerishly fine. I thought she was a man for a minute then saw two lumps on her chest and my jaw dropped. I need to go back to Kesses man, I mean woman. I am never the one for fairer skin but this girlboy definitely made me look on the brighter side of life.

A few mental screens of dating a woman came to mind but quickly faded. Dating a man is drama enough, a woman would kill me. I wonder if they get jealous when their partners talk to other women. Amina interviewed Lattimore (if you are born past 1990…uuummm) he talked about his vocals and what not. Also mentioned his son, I barely recognize him but he had the same head shape as Mark Masai.

Karimi often interrupted with her funny remarks and her disgust of the ‘dawa’ she made previously. She nagged me to tell her stories of how Dundee (one of my mains) and I struggled to survive in school. I brushed off by telling her a synopsis; I knew once I poured it all out I would stay up watching Amina complain about the deejay and ladies applying makeup while blindfolded. I retired to bed after telling her about the day i survived on 30 shillings (10 for sukuma, 10 for nyanya and 10 for onions).

“nilikula tu harufu yaani

I remarked as I opened the door to the hallway

At 1:45….

I am completely low on things to do, i wonder what people who never go out do or if you are low on liquidity what do you do or is it more of whom?



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