1. BetIn, SportPesa, BetAway
Were you lied to that you need an admission letter to be a comrade of this great institution? Do not be troubled so did I. If you haven’t signed up or logged in into any of the betting accounts then my friend ask Talai for land if he hasn’t gambled it already. Students have spent more time on SportPesa than going for classes, more money betting than on their girlfriends and rent and more brain matter than the mwakenya they wrote the previous night. Among the ten of these people, one is you, another is your boyfriend, another your roommate, and the rest your classmates. Gamble for food, gamble for alcohol, gamble for that green substance, gamble for gambling, and gamble because it’s Chelsea.
“What are gumboots?” A cool kid will ask, a mshamba will wear hers with a skirt suit, a middle class will wear Adidas and hashtag \winning \justdoit \amfwesh. Try wearing those Adidas throughout the month of August then you can hashtag \mshambamanenoz \gumbootsonfleek \gumsslayyyy.
If you think only jeans can be rugged, visit Moi University; hair is also rugged here.
3. Ariel Roots Hair
Somebody tell Moi University to stop keeping that grass like Ariel root hair structure. Don’t know if it is a cult or a movement of some sort but it needs to be buried. Buried in falls. Buried far away. Where is the barber? Who are the ladies? Who are the gents? Why am I here? Throw away all those years your mother sent you to the kinyozi na twenty bob and grow the center of your head like Phyno. Like you are about to drop a hot single called Panda. Like you featured on Up Like Trump with those Siamese twins. And text your crush wat-ir-do and bye fam. Every guy walking around looking like they are from different mothers but the same mother at the same damn time.
We hated coils. We discriminated against them. We longed to move out of the hostels and soar to greater heights with no power trip. Tokens. Man’s worst nightmare after being told of a supplementary class. The pain of lights going off at 1am, the agony of having 70/= and you haven’t paid the monthly fee for that month of 170/= and the electrical engineer neighbor who siphons your tokens without you knowing. Patiently waiting for tokens mwitu to break into the business. A comrade will bet 50/- to get 170/- to pay a light bill. A comrade must never live in darkness.